<!--QuoteBegin-sdupoplar+2003-10-27 09:27:45--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(sdupoplar @ 2003-10-27 09:27:45)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <span style='color:red'>Nickel-Diming Johnny&nbsp; </span><br /><br />There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn&#39;t know what Johnny&#39;s problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him. <br />They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel -- they said, because it was bigger. <br /><br />One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said &quot;Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don&#39;t know the dime is worth more than the nickel.&nbsp; Are you grabbing the nickel because it&#39;s bigger, or what?&quot; <br /><br />Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, &quot;Well, if I took the dime, they&#39;d stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20&#33;&quot; <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd--><br /><!--emo&:D--><img src='style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='laugh.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--emo&:D--><img src='style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='laugh.gif' /><!--endemo--><br />the boy is so clever that he know how to gain a permanent profit

<!--QuoteBegin-sdupoplar+2003-10-26 21:17:11--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(sdupoplar @ 2003-10-26 21:17:11)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <span style='color:red'>Shut-up and Trouble </span> <br /><br />In a small town in California there lived two boys, Shut-up and Trouble. These boys were friends, but every once-in-awhile they would get into a fight. One time after they had both just gotten ice-cream, Trouble&#39;s ice-cream fell. Trouble then stole Shut-up&#39;s ice-cream and ran away. Shut-up ran after Trouble but eventually lost him, sat on a curb, and started to cry. <br /><br />A police officer pulled up and asked, “What&#39;s your name?” <br /><br />“Shut-up.” <br /><br />The officer got angry and asked the same question again and got the same reply. Finally, he asked the same question and got the same reply and then said, “Boy, are you looking for Trouble?” <br /><br />And Shut-up said, “Yeah, that fool stole my ice-cream&#33;” <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd--><br />lol<br />he might have been beaten by the policeman if he were in china.<br /><br />no one dare speak to a policeman like that...

<!--QuoteBegin-sdupoplar+2003-10-23 15:01:59--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(sdupoplar @ 2003-10-23 15:01:59)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <span style='color:red'>Chicken soup</span><br /><br />A Joe was in the hospital and it was time for lunch. He looks at his lunch and says, &quot;I don&#39;t like chicken soup, bring something else.&quot;<br /><br />The hospital worker said, &quot;It&#39;s good for you, the doctor said you should have it.&quot; Regardless, the patient refused to eat it.<br /><br />That night, a patient in the room with Joe had a bad stomach pain so the nurses came in to give him an enema. By mistake, they gave the enema to Joe.<br /><br />The following week, when he was leaving the hospital, a new patient asked him how he liked the hospital.<br /><br />He told him, &quot;Well, the hospital itself is pretty good, but they&#39;re very strict about their food. Here&#39;s a good tip - when they bring up chicken soup you better eat it, or else they&#39;ll come back in the middle of the night and shove it up your behind&#33;&quot; <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd--><br />though a little disgusting, funny

<!--QuoteBegin-sdupoplar+2003-09-28 15:43:43--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(sdupoplar @ 2003-09-28 15:43:43)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteEBegin--> A WISH<br /><br />A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, <br /><br />he said out loud, &quot;Lord grant me one wish.&quot; <br /> <br />Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, &quot;Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.&quot; The man said, &quot;Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive <br /><br />over anytime I want.&quot; <br /> <br />The Lord said, &quot;Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the <br /><br />bottom of the Pacific&#33; The concrete and steel it would take&#33; I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me.&quot; <br /> <br />The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, &quot;Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say &#39;nothing&#39;, and how I can make a woman truly happy.&quot; <br /><br /> <br />The Lord replied, &quot;You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?&quot; <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd--><br />sigh, it is more difficult to understand women, even for god...

<!--QuoteBegin-sdupoplar+2003-10-26 21:40:16--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(sdupoplar @ 2003-10-26 21:40:16)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <span style='color:red'>Blonde And Lawyer Quiz</span><br /><br /><br />A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.<br /><br />The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains &quot;I ask you a question, and if you don&#39;t know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa.&quot; Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.<br /><br />The lawyer, now somewhat agitated(烦躁不安的）, says, &quot;Okay, if you don&#39;t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don&#39;t know the answer, I will pay you $50&#33;&quot; figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.<br /><br />This catches the blonde&#39;s attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.<br /><br />The lawyer asks the first question. &quot;What&#39;s the distance from the earth to the moon?&quot; The blonde doesn&#39;t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.<br /><br />Now, it&#39;s the blonde&#39;s turn. She asks the lawyer &quot;What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?&quot; The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail.<br /><br />After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.<br /><br />The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed（稍有点恼火；有点生气）, wakes the blonde and asks, &quot;Well, so what IS the answer&#33;?&quot;<br /><br />Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep. <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd--><br />There are many jokes about blondes where the blondes are the laughingstocks. I boldly guess that it is the reflection of &quot;psychological balance&quot;: the blondes have been beautiful enough; if they also have wisdom, it&#39;s not fair.<br /><br />Ironically, a blonde is always fair, depending on what &quot;fair&quot; means.<br /><br />Anyway, the blonde in this joke is not dumb.

<!--QuoteBegin-sdupoplar+2003-10-26 21:49:46--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(sdupoplar @ 2003-10-26 21:49:46)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <span style='color:red'>Punishment in Heaven</span>&nbsp; <br /><br />Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there. <br />&#39;&#39;Why?&#39;&#39; he asks. <br /><br />St. Paul replies, &#39;&#39;When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.&#39;&#39; The same happens to the second guy. He asks why. <br /><br />St. Paul replies, &#39;&#39;When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.&#39;&#39; The third guy laughs at his friends and says, &#39;&#39;Thank God I didn&#39;t do anything like that.&#39;&#39; He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, &#39;&#39;Why?&#39;&#39; <br /><br />&#39;&#39;Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.&#39;&#39; <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd--><br />I am not quite sure about the point of this joke.<br /><br />The first guy and the second guy &quot;deserve&quot; the ugliest girls because each of them killed a bird with a stone when he was nine.<br /><br />The girl &quot;deserve&quot; the third guy because she killed a bird with a stone when she was nine.<br /><br />The &quot;logic&quot; seems to be &quot;whoever killed a bird with a stone when s/he was nine deserves one of the ugliest of his/er opposite sex.&quot;<br /> <br />Although nothing has been said about the looking of the third guy, according to such &quot;logic&quot;, the third guy is one of the ugliest guys in heaven.<br /><br />Am I right?

<!--QuoteBegin-vangogh+2003-10-27 16:52:09--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(vangogh @ 2003-10-27 16:52:09)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin-sdupoplar+2003-10-27 09:27:45--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(sdupoplar @ 2003-10-27 09:27:45)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <span style='color:red'>Nickel-Diming Johnny&nbsp; </span><br /><br />There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn&#39;t know what Johnny&#39;s problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him. <br />They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel -- they said, because it was bigger. <br /><br />One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said &quot;Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don&#39;t know the dime is worth more than the nickel.&nbsp; Are you grabbing the nickel because it&#39;s bigger, or what?&quot; <br /><br />Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, &quot;Well, if I took the dime, they&#39;d stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20&#33;&quot; <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd--><br /><!--emo&:D--><img src='style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='laugh.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--emo&:D--><img src='style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='laugh.gif' /><!--endemo--><br />the boy is so clever that he know how to gain a permanent profit <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd--><br />I remember someone said it was a story of the childhood of John Adams, the second president of the United States.<br /><br />Who was the boy is not the most important. <br /><br />It is an example of &quot;great wisdom with seeming foolishness&quot;.

<!--QuoteBegin-sdupoplar+2003-10-27 09:01:00--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(sdupoplar @ 2003-10-27 09:01:00)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <span style='color:red'>Playing Doctor</span>&nbsp; <br /><br />Two children were in a doctor&#39;s waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing. <br />&quot;Why are you crying?&quot; asked the little boy. <br /><br />&quot;I&#39;m here for a blood test, and they&#39;re going to cut my finger,&quot; said the girl. <br /><br />When he heard this, the little boy started to cry. <br /><br />&quot;Why are you crying?&quot; asked the girl. <br /><br />The boy looked at her worriedly and said, &quot;I&#39;m here for a urine test.&quot; <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd--><br />Very frightening <span style='color:blue'>deduction</span>.<br /><br /><br />Reference:<br /><br />deduction: The act of deducting; subtraction.<br /><br />deduction: The drawing of a conclusion by reasoning.<br /><br /> <!--emo&:haha:--><img src='style_emoticons/default/haha.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='haha.gif' /><!--endemo-->

<span style='color:red'>Math Trouble</span>  <br /><br />A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled her in Catholic school in the hopes to improve her math grades. During the first marking period, her mother noticed a dramatic improvement in her math studies. The girl would refuse playing with friends and eating dessert after dinner in order to study more. <br />On report card day, her mother was astonished to see that her daughter got an A+ in math. She asked her daughter, “Why the sudden change of attitude about math -- do the nuns punish you?” The girl replied, “No, but when I saw the little man on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew that this school is very serious about math&#33;”

<span style='color:red'>Mafia Christmas </span> <br /><br />A mafioso&#39;s son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, &quot;Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new...&quot; He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away. <br />He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, &quot;Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new...&quot; He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away. <br /><br />He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother&#39;s room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, &quot;Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again...&quot;

<span style='color:red'>Little Johnny&#39;s Prognosis</span>  <br /><br />A young mother was having a consultation with a doctor. As they spoke, her Little Johnny could clearly be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room - yet she made no attempt to restrain him. <br />Soon they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing. Finally, after an extra-loud crash, the woman casually told the doctor, &quot;I hope you don&#39;t mind my Little Johnny playing in there.&quot; <br /><br />&quot;No, not at all,&quot; said the doctor calmly. &quot;I&#39;m sure he&#39;ll calm down as soon as he finds the poison.&quot;

<span style='color:red'>Little Johnny&#39;s Big Answer </span> <br /><br />It is near the end of the school year.  The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this. <br />Teacher: &quot;Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today.&quot; <br /><br />Little Johnny says to himself &quot;Good, I want to get outta here. I&#39;m smart and will answer the question.&quot; <br /><br />Teacher: &quot;Who said &#39;Four Score and Seven Years Ago&#39;?&quot; <br /><br />Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, &quot;Abraham Lincoln.&quot; <br /><br />Teacher: &quot;That&#39;s right Susie, you can go home.&quot; <br /><br />Johnny is MAD that Susie answered the question first. <br /><br />Teacher: &quot;Who said &#39;I Have a Dream&#39;?&quot; <br /><br />Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, &quot;Martin Luther King.&quot; <br /><br />Teacher: &quot;That&#39;s right Mary, you can go.&quot; <br /><br />Johnny is even madder than before. <br /><br />Teacher: &quot;Who said &#39;Ask not, what your country can   do for you&#39;?&quot; <br /><br />Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says,  &quot;John F. Kennedy.&quot; <br /><br />Teacher: &quot;That&#39;s right  Nancy, you may also leave.&quot; <br /><br />Johnny is BOILING mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions. <br /><br />When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, &quot;I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut&#33;&quot; <br /><br />The teacher turns around: &quot;NOW WHO SAID THAT?&#33;?&#33;&quot; <br /><br />Johnny: &quot;BILL CLINTON.  CAN I GO NOW?&quot;

<span style='color:red'>Let Them Eat Homework</span>  <br /><br />Why&#39;d the boy eat his homework? <br />His teacher told him it was a piece of cake&#33;

<span style='color:red'>Late AGAIN</span>  <br /><br />A kid was late was late for school one day. <br />&quot;I had to take the bull down to mate with the heifer,&quot; he explained to the teacher. <br /><br />&quot;Couldn&#39;t your father have done that?&quot; <br /><br />&quot;Sure, but the bull would have done a better job.&quot;

<span style='color:red'>Krazy Homework Excuses </span> <br /><br /><br />Last night I got temporary amnesia and I totally forgot&#33; <br />My older sister couldn&#39;t find her same homework from last year. <br />The dog did it for me, but it was in his language. <br />The paper airplane I made out of it accidentally flew out the window. <br />I fell asleep on it and when I woke up all my drool smudged all the ink. <br />It is here it&#39;s just in invisible ink&#33; <br />Satan told me not to do it&#33; <br />I&#39;m at school?&#33;? I thought this was an AA meeting. <br />My dad&#39;s pen ran out of ink. <br />My Mom ate my homework&#33;

<!--QuoteBegin-sdupoplar+2003-10-28 10:46:52--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(sdupoplar @ 2003-10-28 10:46:52)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <span style='color:red'>Krazy Homework Excuses </span> <br />...<br />My dad&#39;s pen ran out of ink. <br />... <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd--><br />If the student said &quot;My dad&#39;s pen ran out of ink&quot;, probably it was the truth, and the student told another fact.

<!--QuoteBegin-sdupoplar+2003-10-28 08:40:24--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(sdupoplar @ 2003-10-28 08:40:24)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <span style='color:red'>Math Trouble</span>&nbsp; <br /><br />A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled her in Catholic school in the hopes to improve her math grades. During the first marking period, her mother noticed a dramatic improvement in her math studies. The girl would refuse playing with friends and eating dessert after dinner in order to study more. <br />On report card day, her mother was astonished to see that her daughter got an A+ in math. She asked her daughter, “Why the sudden change of attitude about math -- do the nuns punish you?” The girl replied, “No, but when I saw the little man on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew that this school is very serious about math&#33;” <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd--><br />A Chinese writer said so many years ago that people are trying to bring everything in the world to the same level of their understanding.

<span style='color:red'>Hide the Duke </span> <br /><br />A boy was meeting his girlfriend&#39;s parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy&#39;s chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart. <br />&quot;Duke&#33;&quot; the dad yelled. <br /><br />&quot;This is great&#33;&quot; the boy thought. &quot;He thinks the dog is farting&#33;&quot; So he let out another one. <br /><br />&quot;Duke&#33;&quot; the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart. <br /><br />&quot;Duke&#33; Get out of there before the boy shits on you&#33;&quot;

<span style='color:red'>Going to Church  </span><br /><br />One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn&#39;&#39;t be late for church. <br />As she ran she kept praying, “Dear God, please don&#39;&#39;t let me be late to church. Please don&#39;&#39;t let me be late to church....” And, as she was running she tripped and fell. <br /><br />When she got back up she began praying again, “Please, God don&#39;&#39;t let me be late to church -- but don&#39;&#39;t shove me either&#33;

<span style='color:red'>Gimmie an &quot;R&quot;</span>  <br /><br />A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter &#39;&#39;R,&#39;&#39; and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: &#39;&#39;Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.&#39;&#39; <br />In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud. <br /><br />The boy nervously eyed his classmates--many of them already laughing at him--then replied, &#39;&#39;Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn&#39;t cooked enough.&#39;&#39;

<!--QuoteBegin-sdupoplar+2003-10-28 16:59:59--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(sdupoplar @ 2003-10-28 16:59:59)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <span style='color:red'>Gimmie an &quot;R&quot;</span>&nbsp; <br /><br />A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter &#39;&#39;R,&#39;&#39; and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: &#39;&#39;Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.&#39;&#39; <br />In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud. <br /><br />The boy nervously eyed his classmates--many of them already laughing at him--then replied, &#39;&#39;Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn&#39;t cooked enough.&#39;&#39; <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd--><br />Luckily the boy had learned enough synonyms.

<span style='color:red'>ONLY A FEW WORDS</span> <br /><br />At a court the judge is interrogating a mugger but gets into difficulty because the mugger is a foreigner who doesn&#39;t speak English. &quot;Don&#39;t you speak English at all?&quot; the judge asks. &quot;Only a few words,&quot; replies the mugger. <br />&quot;What words do you know?&quot; <br />&quot;Your purse or your life&#33;&quot;

<span style='color:red'>Taken for Granted </span> <br /><br />THE SCHOOL HEALTH FORMS had been distributed to the students with an error---the word &quot;Sex&quot; had been spelled with an &quot;o&quot;. One mother, filling out the form for her son, wrote in the blank next to &quot;Sox&quot;: &quot;Usually brown.&quot;

<span style='color:red'>Logic Reasoning </span><br /><br />A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. <br />　　&quot;Here is the situation,&quot; she said. &quot;a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can&#39;t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?&quot; <br />　　A girl raised her hand and asked, &quot;to draw out all of his savings?&quot;