<span style='color:red'>The Lawyer &amp; The Dead Man </span> <br /><br />A dying man gathered his best friends - a lawyer, doctor and clergyman - at his bedside and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelops in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life. <br />A week later the man died. At the wake, the lawyer and doctor and clergyman each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell. <br /><br />By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10,000 in the envelope he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a mission in South America. He asked for their forgiveness. <br /><br />The doctor, moved by the gentle Clergyman&#39;s sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelope, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to benefit others. <br /><br />By this time the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends. &quot;I am the only one who kept my promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope I placed in the coffin contained the full amount. <br /><br />The other men looked down in embarrassment and the lawyer continued, &quot;Indeed, only I honored the deathbed wishes of our great friend. My envelope contained my personal check for the entire $25,000.&quot;

<span style='color:red'> Lawyers </span> <br /><br />Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they&#39;re off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. <br />&#39;&#39;Help me find my ball. Look over there,&#39;&#39; he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. &#39;&#39;I&#39;ve found my ball&#33;&#39;&#39; he announces. <br /><br />&#39;&#39;After all of the years we&#39;ve been partners and playing together,&quot; Jon says, &quot;you&#39;d cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?&#39;&#39; <br /><br />&#39;&#39;What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there&#33;&#39;&#39; <br /><br />&#39;&#39;And you&#39;re a liar, too&#33;&#39;&#39; Jon says. &#39;&#39;I&#39;ll have you know I&#39;ve been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes&#33;&#39;&#39;

<span style='color:red'>Married four times</span><br /><br />Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed. &quot;What&#39;s wrong?&quot;<br />The depressed one replied, &quot;I&#39;ve been married four times and every one of my husbands has passed away.&quot;<br /><br />The other lady asked, &quot;What did they used to do?&quot; The depressed lady replied, &quot;Well, my first husband was a millionaire, the second was a magician, the third was an evangelist(福音传道者), and the fourth was a mortician(殡仪业者).&quot;<br /><br />And the other said, &quot;Oh, I see, one for the money,<br />two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go...

<span style='color:red'>A Terrible Hail Storm</span><br /><br />A blonde was driving back from the mall when there was a terrible hail storm. Huge hail stones the size of golf balls pelted her car leaving it full of dents(凹, 凹痕). She drove to the body shop (车身修理厂)and asked what she should do.<br /><br />The body man explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least $4,000 to repair. She said that was too much and asked if there was some other way to fix it.<br /><br />The body man decided to have a little fun and said, &quot;Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they might pop back out.&quot; She decided to give it a try before spending that much money.<br /><br />She drove home and was in the garage with her lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when her blonde neighbor came over to visit.<br /><br />&quot;What are you doing?&quot; she shrieked thinking the worst and thankful that she may have just prevented her friend from committing suicide.<br /><br />&quot;I&#39;m blowing into the tailpipe real hard to pop all these dents out of my car,&quot; explained the first blonde.<br /><br />&quot;Well silly, it&#39;s not going to work,&quot; replied her neighbor.<br /><br />&quot;Why not?&quot; asked the first blonde.<br /><br />&quot;Because you&#39;ve got to roll up the windows first.&quot;

<span style='color:red'>Interviewed By Chief Of Police</span><br /><br />A blonde was being interviewed by the Chief of Police for an opening in the local Police Department. The chief said that before I hire you I have to ask a few questions.<br /><br />Chief: First how much is 1 and 1.<br /><br />Blonde Eleven<br /><br />Chief: Well I guess I will accept that. Next what is the lords name?<br /><br />Blonde: Howard&#33;&#33;<br /><br />Chief: Howard??<br /><br />Blonde: Yes, Our father who is in heaven, Howard be thy name&#33;.<br /><br />Chief: What 2 days of the week start with the letter T?<br /><br />Blonde: Today and tomorrow&#33;&#33;<br /><br />Chief: One more question. Who killed Abraham Lincoln?<br /><br />Blonde: I don&#39;t know the answer to that question.<br /><br />Chief: Well why don&#39;t you go home and work on it.<br /><br />The blonde leaves the interview and goes to the local beauty parlor where she is greeted by friends who anxiously ask her how she made out in the interview. The blonde replied pretty good. First day on the job and they got me working on a murder investigation.

<span style='color:red'>3Sick Soldiers</span><br /><br /><br />An army Major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks,<br />″What＇s your problem, Soldier？″<br />″Chronic syphilis,Sir！″<br />″What treatment are you getting？″<br />″Five minutes with the wire brush each day,Sir！″<br />″What＇s your ambition？″<br />″To get back to the front lines,Sir！″<br />″Goodman！″says the Major.<br /><br /> He goes to the next bed.<br />″What＇s your problem, Soldier？″<br />″Chronic piles,Sir！″<br />″What treatment are you getting？″<br />″Five minutes with the wire brush each day,Sir！″<br />″What＇s your ambition？″<br />″To get back to the front lines,Sir！″<br />″Goodman！″says the Major.<br /><br /> He goes to the next bed.<br />″What＇s your problem, Sol dier？″<br />″Chronic gum disease,Sir！″<br />″What treatment are you getting？″<br />″Five minutes with the wire brush each day,Sir！″<br />″What＇s your ambition？″<br />″To get to the front of the line and get the wire brush before the other two,Sir！″

<span style='color:red'>The Hit and Run Case</span><br /><br /><br />A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver&#39;s side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. <br />Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it. <br /><br />When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. <br /><br />&quot;I can&#39;t believe how materialistic you lawyers are,&quot; he said. &quot;You are so focused on your possessions that you don&#39;t notice anything else.&quot; <br /><br />&quot;How can you say such a thing?&quot; asked the lawyer. <br /><br />The cop replied, &quot;Don&#39;t you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you.&quot; <br /><br />&quot;Ahhh&#33;&quot; screamed the lawyer. &quot;Where&#39;s my Rolex&#33;&quot;

<span style='color:red'>The First Profession </span> <br /><br />A doctor, an engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were debating who was the world&#39;s first professional. <br />The doctor said, &quot;It must have been a doctor. Who else could have helped with the world&#39;s first surgery of taking a rib from Adam to create Eve, the first woman?&quot; <br /><br />&quot;No,&quot; said the rabbi. &#39;&#39;It must have been a rabbi, since the Lord needed someone to help preach his message to Adam and the world.&quot; <br /><br />&quot;Wait,&quot; said the engineer, &quot;The world was created in six days from nothing. Do you know what a master engineering feat that must have been to create the whole world into an orgnanized, civilized place from utter chaos?&quot; <br /><br />&quot;Yes, but who created the chaos?&quot; asked the lawyer...

<span style='color:red'>The Clever Lawyer</span>  <br /><br /><br />A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:<br /><br />&quot;My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.&quot;<br /><br />&quot;Well put,&quot; the judge replied. &quot;Using your logic, I sentence the defendant&#39;s arm to one year&#39;s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.&quot;<br /><br />The defendant smiled. And, with his lawyer&#39;s assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked out.

<span style='color:red'>Ten Husbands, Still a Virgin</span>  <br /><br />A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, &quot;Please be gentle, I&#39;m still a virgin.&quot; <br />&quot;What?&quot; said the puzzled groom. &quot;How can that be if you&#39;ve been married ten times?&quot; <br /><br />&quot;Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. <br /><br />Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he&#39;d look into it and get back to me. <br /><br />Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn&#39;t get the system up. <br /><br />Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn&#39;t know when he would be able to deliver. <br /><br />Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. <br /><br />Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn&#39;t sure whether it was his job or not. <br /><br />Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. <br /><br />Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it. <br /><br />Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it. <br /><br />Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God&#33; I miss him&#33; But now that I&#39;ve married you, I&#39;m really excited&#33;&quot; <br /><br />&quot;Good,&quot; said the new husband, &quot;but, why?&quot; <br /><br />&quot;You&#39;re a lawyer. This time I know I&#39;m gonna get screwed&#33;&quot;

<span style='color:red'>Smart Pills </span> <br /><br />One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit shit. One of the boys said, &#39;&#39;What is that?&#39;&#39; <br />&#39;&#39;They&#39;re smart pills,&#39;&#39; said the other boy. &#39;&#39;Eat them and they&#39;ll make you smarter. <br /><br />So he ate them and said, &#39;&#39;These taste like shit.&#39;&#39; <br /><br />&#39;&#39;See,&#39;&#39; said the other boy, &#39;&#39;you&#39;re already getting smarter.&#39;&#39;

<span style='color:red'>Shut-up and Trouble </span> <br /><br />In a small town in California there lived two boys, Shut-up and Trouble. These boys were friends, but every once-in-awhile they would get into a fight. One time after they had both just gotten ice-cream, Trouble&#39;s ice-cream fell. Trouble then stole Shut-up&#39;s ice-cream and ran away. Shut-up ran after Trouble but eventually lost him, sat on a curb, and started to cry. <br /><br />A police officer pulled up and asked, “What&#39;s your name?” <br /><br />“Shut-up.” <br /><br />The officer got angry and asked the same question again and got the same reply. Finally, he asked the same question and got the same reply and then said, “Boy, are you looking for Trouble?” <br /><br />And Shut-up said, “Yeah, that fool stole my ice-cream&#33;”

<span style='color:red'>Seagull&#39;s Final Resting Place</span>  <br /><br />A four-year-old boy and his father went to the beach. There was a dead seagull lying on the sand. The boy asked his father, &#39;&#39;Dad, what happened to the birdie?&#39;&#39; <br />His dad told him, &#39;&#39;Son, the bird died and went to heaven.&#39;&#39; <br /><br />Then the boy asked, &#39;&#39;Did God throw him back down?&#39;&#39;

<span style='color:red'>The changing Boots</span><br /><br />There was a little boy in Kindergarten. He cried, so the teacher asked him what was wrong.<br /><br />He sobbed, &quot;I can&#39;t find my boots.&quot;<br /><br />The teacher looked around the classroom and saw a pair of boots, &quot;Are these yours?&quot;<br /><br />&quot;No, they&#39;re not mine,&quot; the boy shook his head.<br /><br />The teacher and the boy searched all over the classroom for his boots.<br /><br />Finally, the teacher gave up, &quot;Are you SURE those boots are not yours?&quot;<br /><br />&quot;I&#39;m sure,&quot; the boy sobbed, &quot;mine had snow on them.&quot;

<span style='color:red'>Blonde And Lawyer Quiz</span><br /><br /><br />A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.<br /><br />The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains &quot;I ask you a question, and if you don&#39;t know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa.&quot; Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.<br /><br />The lawyer, now somewhat agitated(烦躁不安的）, says, &quot;Okay, if you don&#39;t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don&#39;t know the answer, I will pay you $50&#33;&quot; figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.<br /><br />This catches the blonde&#39;s attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.<br /><br />The lawyer asks the first question. &quot;What&#39;s the distance from the earth to the moon?&quot; The blonde doesn&#39;t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.<br /><br />Now, it&#39;s the blonde&#39;s turn. She asks the lawyer &quot;What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?&quot; The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail.<br /><br />After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.<br /><br />The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed（稍有点恼火；有点生气）, wakes the blonde and asks, &quot;Well, so what IS the answer&#33;?&quot;<br /><br />Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

<span style='color:red'>Bean Soup</span><br /><br />When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed.<br /><br />&quot;Good heavens,&quot; he said, &quot;what is this?&quot;<br /><br />&quot;Why, it&#39;s bean soup,&quot; she replied.<br /><br />&quot;I don&#39;t care what it&#39;s been,&quot; he replied. &quot;What is it now?&quot;

<span style='color:red'>Punishment in Heaven</span>  <br /><br />Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there. <br />&#39;&#39;Why?&#39;&#39; he asks. <br /><br />St. Paul replies, &#39;&#39;When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.&#39;&#39; The same happens to the second guy. He asks why. <br /><br />St. Paul replies, &#39;&#39;When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.&#39;&#39; The third guy laughs at his friends and says, &#39;&#39;Thank God I didn&#39;t do anything like that.&#39;&#39; He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, &#39;&#39;Why?&#39;&#39; <br /><br />&#39;&#39;Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.&#39;&#39;

<span style='color:red'>         Waiter From Hell</span><br /><br />Remember when eating out was a relaxing experience? Someone else cooked for you, served you and cleaned up after you. All you had to do was chew, swallow and pay. No longer, though. Today you feel like a laboratory rat who has to struggle through a maze every time it wants a chunk of cheese.<br /> <br />“Good evening.” The waiter said. “ Table for four?”<br />“Yes, thank you.”<br />“Smoking or non?”<br />“Nonsmoking.”<br />“Would you prefer to dine indoors or outdoors this evening?”<br />“I guess indoors would be good.”<br /> <br />Then a young man better dressed and better looking than any of us presented himself at our table. “Good evening, my name is Paul, and I’ll be your waiter this evening. Would you like a few minutes before I take your order?”<br />“No,” I said, “I’m just a meat-and-potatoes guy, so I’ll have the filet mignon and baked potato.”<br /> <br />“Soup or salad?”<br />“Salad.”<br />“We have a mixed-green salad, hearts of palm or a very fine endive salad with baby shrimp.”<br />“just a mixed-green salad, okay?”<br /> <br />“Whatever you say, sir. Dressing?”<br />I didn’t want to make another decision. “Whatever you’ve got will be fine.”<br />“We have creamy Italian, blue cheese, vinaigrette, Thousand Island, honey Dijon, ranch…”<br />“Just bring me one. Surprise me.”<br /> <br />“Creamy Italian is our house specialty. Would that be all right, sir?”<br />“Yeah.” I was curt. I was done with civility.<br /> <br />“And your baked potato…”<br />I knew what was coming. “I just want the baked potato dry, you understand? I don’t want anything on it.”<br />“No butter? No sour cream?”<br />“No.”<br /> <br />“No, chives?”<br />“No&#33; Don’t you understand English?” I shouted. “ I don’t want anything on it. Just bring me a baked potato and a steak.”<br /> <br />“Would you prefer the six-, eight- or 12-ounce steak, sir?”<br />“Whatever.”<br />“Would you like that rare, medium rare, medium, medium well or well done? Or, if you prefer, we can butterfly it for you.”<br />“Pauly Boy,” I said, “you are really starting to get me steamed”<br /> <br />“Which brings up the vegetables, sir. Would you like steamed broccoli, creamed corn, sauteed zucchini, diced carrots--”<br />That did it. I threw my napkin to the floor, stood up, put my face right in his arrogant kisser and said, “How’d you like to settle this outside?”<br /> <br />“Fine with me, sir. Would you prefer the parking lot, the side alley or the street in front of the restaurant?”<br />“I prefer right here,” I said, and sucker-punched him.<br /> <br />He ducked, then countered with a left hook right under my eye. It was the first time all night he hadn’t offered me a selection. I collapsed semiconscious into my chair, as someone in authority rushed over and berated Pauly.<br /> <br />When I regained my senses, I saw the very concerned waiter right in front of my nose. He apologized and offered to buy me a drink, call the parmesan-whatever I wanted.<br /> <br />“No, no,” I said. “I’ll be all right. Just bring me a glass of water.”<br />“Yes, sir, right away,” he said. “Would you prefer imported mineral water, sparkling water or club soda with a wedge of lime?”

<span style='color:red'>  索命侍者</span><br />记得下馆子吃饭那种轻松愉快的滋味吗？有人为你做饭菜，伺候你，事后替你收拾干净。你所要做的只是咀嚼、吞咽和付帐。但是，那样的时代一去不返了。如今，你感觉自己活像一只实验室中的老鼠，每要一块奶酷都得费尽心机走出迷宫。<br />“晚上好”，领班说，“四位？”<br />“是的，谢谢。”<br />“是坐在有烟区还是非吸烟区？”<br />“非吸烟区。”<br />“今晚诸位想在户内用餐还是户外用餐？”<br />“我想户内不错。”<br />接着，一位穿着和仪表比我们任何一个都神气的年轻人来到桌前。“晚上好，我叫保罗，今晚由我为大家服务。诸位是不是休息几分钟再点菜？”<br />“不用了，”我说，“我只要有肉和土豆就成，就给我来份煎里脊小牛排和一份烤土豆吧。”<br />“要汤还是色拉？”<br />“色拉。”<br />“我们有什锦色拉，棕榈心色拉，还有极精致的苣荬菜拌小是色拉。”<br />“就要什锦色拉，行吗？”<br />“遵命，先生。要什么调料？”<br />我不想再作决定了。“无论什么都行。”<br />“我们有意大利奶油调料，有蓝奶酪，有醋油沙词，有千岛拉酱，有法国第戎蜜，有牧场……”<br />“随便给我拿一样，让我惊喜一下。”<br />“意大利调料是我们的特色调料。上这个怎么样，先生？”<br />“好吧。”我简单地答道。我对这套礼貌的问话烦透了。<br />“那么您的烤土豆……”<br />我知道他下面要说什么。“我只要烤土豆，你明白了吗？我不想在上面加任何东西。”<br />“不要黄油？不要酸奶油？”<br />“不要。”<br />“不要细香葱？”<br />“不要！难道你不懂英语？”我吼道，“我不想在上面加任何东西。就给我一份烤土豆和一份牛排。”<br />“先生要6盎司的，8盎司的还是12盎司的牛排？”<br />“随便。”<br />“您的牛排是要嫩的，半生的，适中的，略微过火的，还是熟烂的？如果您需要，我们还可以为您做成蝴蝶展翅状。”<br />“保罗小子”我说，“你真让我上火了。”<br />“那就来点清淡的蔬菜吧，先生。你喜欢清蒸花椰菜、奶汁玉米，炒美洲南瓜，戎萝卜丁……”<br />够了。我把餐巾摔到地上，站起身，把脸凑近他那副得意洋洋的面孔说：“到外头去解决这事儿，怎么样？”<br />“没问题，先生。您想去停车场、小胡同，还是餐馆门口的大街？”<br />“我想就地解决。”说着，我一拳打了过去。他低头躲过，然后用左钩拳回击我的眼睛正下方。整个晚上这是他第一次没让我选择。我半醒半昏地瘫在椅子上，这时候有个管事的匆匆赶来，把保罗训斥了一番。<br />当我恢复神志，我看到那领班正在我面前，一副紧张不安的神情。他向我道歉，说要请我一杯，叫救护人员急救——我要求什么都行。<br />“不，不必了，”我说，“我没事的。给我一杯水就行了。”<br />“好的，先生，马上就来”他说“你要进口矿泉水，苏打水，还是苏打水加片酸橙？”

<span style='color:red'>Potential &amp; Reality  </span><br /><br />A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. &quot;Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?&quot; <br />His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, &quot;I&#39;ll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you&#39;ve learned.&quot; <br /><br />The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. &quot;Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?&quot; <br /><br />&quot;Don&#39;t tell your father, but yes, I would.&quot; <br /><br />He then goes to his sister&#39;s room. &quot;Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?&quot; <br /><br />She replies, &quot;Omigod&#33; Definitely&#33;&quot; <br /><br />The kid goes back to his father. &quot;Dad, I think I&#39;ve figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with two sluts.&quot;

<span style='color:red'>Playing Doctor</span>  <br /><br />Two children were in a doctor&#39;s waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing. <br />&quot;Why are you crying?&quot; asked the little boy. <br /><br />&quot;I&#39;m here for a blood test, and they&#39;re going to cut my finger,&quot; said the girl. <br /><br />When he heard this, the little boy started to cry. <br /><br />&quot;Why are you crying?&quot; asked the girl. <br /><br />The boy looked at her worriedly and said, &quot;I&#39;m here for a urine test.&quot;

<span style='color:red'>No Cavities</span>  <br /><br />One fine afternoon, a smiling boy arrived home from a dental visit. He called out, “Hey mom, I have no cavities today.” <br />His mom stared at him wide-eyed and quite surprised. But she smiled and then frowned knowing the expected. “Let me guess,” she said, “You have not a tooth left.”

<span style='color:red'>Nickel-Diming Johnny  </span><br /><br />There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn&#39;t know what Johnny&#39;s problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him. <br />They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel -- they said, because it was bigger. <br /><br />One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said &quot;Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don&#39;t know the dime is worth more than the nickel.  Are you grabbing the nickel because it&#39;s bigger, or what?&quot; <br /><br />Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, &quot;Well, if I took the dime, they&#39;d stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20&#33;&quot;

<span style='color:red'>Mom and Dad were trying to console Suzie...</span>  <br /><br />Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died. <br />&quot;You know,&quot; Mom said, &quot;it&#39;s not your fault that the dog died. He&#39;s probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.&quot;; <br /><br />Susie, still crying, said, &quot;What would God want with a dead dog?&quot;