<span style='color:red'>A special Football Match</span><br /><br />Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Brack, &quot;Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream.&quot;<br />&quot;Why did it make you late?&quot; inquired the teacher.<br />&quot;Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time.&quot; replied Mike.<br /><br />－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－<br /><br />特殊的足球赛<br />迈克上课迟到了，他对老师布莱克先生说：“对不起，我迟到了，老师，我梦见了一场足球赛。”<br />老师问：”那为什么会使你迟到呢？“<br />迈克回答说：”因为两个对不粉胜负，因此持续了很长时间“

<span style='color:red'>Visiting a Chicken Farm</span><br /><br />One day, a teacher took his pupils to a chicken farm to pay a visit. When they came near the incubator, a chick just got out of its eggshell.<br />&quot;It&#39;s wonderful to see a little thing come out from the eggshell, Isn&#39;t it?&quot; the teacher said.<br />&quot;Yes, sir.&quot; said one of the boys, &quot;but it would be more wonderful if we knew that how a chick gets into its eggshell before hand.&quot;<br /><br />－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－<br /><br />参观养鸡场<br />一天，老师带学生到养鸡场参观，当他们走近孵化器时，刚好一只小鸡破壳而出。<br />”看见一个小生命从蛋壳里出来，岂不是很奇妙的吗？“老师说。<br />”是的，老师，“一个男学生说，“可是，如果我们知道它是怎样事先钻进蛋壳里的那就更奇妙了。”

<span style='color:red'>Father&#39;s John Hancock</span><br /><br />Teacher: Tom, you haven&#39;t shown your parents the examination papers, have you?<br />Tom: Yes, I have, sir.<br />Teacher: But I can&#39;t find your father&#39;s John Hancock on the papers at all.<br />Tom: Here, sir. (showing his whipped arms to the teacher.)<br /><br />-----------------------------------------------------<br /><br />父亲的亲笔签名<br />老师：汤姆，你没把你的考卷给你的父母看，是吗?<br />汤姆：不，老师，我给看了。<br />老师：可是我在上面根本没找着你父亲的亲笔签名啊。<br />汤姆：在这里老师。（汤姆向老师露出手臂上的鞭伤）

<span style='color:red'>Animal with Four Legs</span><br /><br />Teacher: Betty, name two animals which have four legs.<br />Betty: Two hens.<br /><br />----------------------------------------<br /><br />四条腿的动物<br />老师：贝蒂，给我说出两个四条腿的动物。<br />贝蒂：两只母鸡。

<span style='color:red'>Mother Was too Busy</span><br /><br />Teacher: Mike, you&#39;re always asking your father to do your homework instead, and again this time.....<br />Mike: Pardon, sir, this time at first I would not let him do it, but mother was too busy.<br /><br />----------------------------------------------------<br /><br />妈妈太忙<br />老师：迈克，你老是叫你的父亲替你做作业，这次又。。。。。。<br />迈克：对不起，老师，这次作业我本不打算让爸爸替我做，可妈妈实在太忙。

<span style='color:red'>An Entrance Examination</span><br /><br />In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, the teacher asked one of the boys, &#39;What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?&quot;<br />&quot;To be deaf,&quot; replied the boy.<br />&quot;Nonsense&#33;&quot; said the teacher angrily.<br />&quot;Why, sir&#33; don&#39;t you have know that the most famous musician Beethoven was deaf?&quot; the boy asked in reply disdainfully.<br /><br />-------------------------------------------------<br /><br />入学考试<br />在一次音乐学院的入学考试中，老师问一位应试的小伙子：”音乐家最重要的生理素质是什么？“<br />”耳聋。“小伙子答道。<br />”胡说！“老师恼怒地说。<br />”怎么啦，先生！ 您难道连大名鼎鼎的音乐家贝多芬是个聋子都不知道？“小伙子轻蔑地反问道。

<span style='color:red'>A physics Examination</span><br /><br />Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.<br />The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?<br />Nick&#39;s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.<br /><br />------------------------------------------------<br /><br />一次物理考试<br />在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。<br />这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？<br />尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

<span style='color:red'>The New Teacher</span><br /><br />George comes from school on the first of September.<br />&quot;George, how did you like your new teacher?&quot; asked his mother.<br />&quot;I didn‘t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....&quot;<br /><br />---------------------------------------------<br /><br />新老师<br />9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。<br />”乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？“ 妈妈问。<br />”妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。“

<span style='color:red'>Two Birds</span><br /><br />Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?<br />Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.<br />Teacher: Please tell us.<br />Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.<br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />两只鸟<br />老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是燕子，另一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？<br />学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。<br />老师：请说说看。<br />学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

<span style='color:red'>Whose Fault</span><br /><br />Teacher: Betty, you made so many mistakes in your exercise, surely your mother will blame you&#33;<br />Betty: Blame me? Oh, mo. On the contrary, I&#39;ll blame her. Because it was she that did my homework instead.<br /><br />－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－<br /><br />谁的错<br />老师：贝蒂，你作业中出了这么多错，你妈妈一定会责怪你的！<br />贝蒂：责怪我？啊，不会的。正相反，我倒要责怪她呢，是她替我做的作业。

<span style='color:red'>Columbus&#39;s Telephone Number</span><br /><br />Little Mary: I find in my history book there is always such number (1451--1560) after the name Christopher Columbus. Would you please explain why, sir?<br />Little Rose: I can tell her, sir. It was Columbus&#39;s telephone number.<br /><br />－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－<br /><br />哥伦布的电话号码<br />小玛丽：我在历史书中发现，克里斯托。哥伦布这个名字后老是有(1451-1560)着几个数字，老师，请您给解释一下好吗？<br />小罗斯：老师，我能告诉她。那是哥伦布的电话号码。

<span style='color:red'>4-4=?</span><br /><br />One day, the teacher inquired Peter: &quot;How much is four minus four?&quot; Peter was tongue-tied.<br />The teacher got angry and said: &quot;What a fool&#33; You see, if I put four coins in your pocket, but there is a hole in your pocket and all of them leak out, now what is left in your pocket?&quot;<br />&quot;The hole.&quot; replied Peter.<br /><br />－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－<br /><br />四减四等于几？<br />一天，老师问彼得：“４减４等于几？”彼得张口结舌答不上来。<br />老师生气地说：“真苯！比如我给你衣袋里装进４个硬币，可你衣袋上有个窟窿，硬币全从这里漏掉了，那么，你衣袋里还剩下什么？”<br />“还剩下个窟窿。”彼得答道。

<span style='color:red'>Mixed Doubles</span><br /><br />Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles, boys?<br />Nick: Yes, sir. Quite often. I saw it even last night.<br />Teacher: Please tell us something about it.<br />Nick: Oh, sorry, sir. My father always says, &#39; Domestic shame should not be published.&#39;<br /><br />－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－<br /><br />混合双打<br />体育老师：孩子们，你们见过男女混合双打吗？<br />尼克：见过，老师，经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢？<br />老师：你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。<br />尼克：啊，对不起，老师。我爸爸常说，”家丑不可外扬。“

<span style='color:red'>Prediction</span><br /><br />Jeremy: Do you think that certain people can really predict the future with cards? <br />Friend: My mum can -- as soon as she takes a look at my report card, she can tell me exactly what will happen when my dad gets home&#33;<br /><br />－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－<br /><br />预言<br />杰里米：你认为有些人真能用纸牌预言未来吗？<br />朋友：我妈妈能 -- 当她一看到我的学习成绩单时，她马上就能说出我爸爸回来后会发生什么事。

<span style='color:red'>Responsible</span><br /><br />Teacher: I need a responsible child to fetch me something.<br />Lydia: I&#39;ll go. Every time something happens at home, my dad says I&#39;m responsible&#33;<br /><br />----------------------------------------<br /><br />负责<br />老师：我需要一个负责的孩子去替我拿一些东西。<br />莉迪亚：我去，每次家里出了什么事后，爸爸都说应该由我负责。

<span style='color:red'>Oxygen</span><br /><br />The science teacher was explaining to the class. &quot;Oxygen is necessary to all life. Without it there&#39;d be no life at all. Now just think -- it was only discovered about 100 years ago.&quot;<br />Jenny raised her hand and asked, &quot;If that&#39;s true, what did people do before it was discovered?&quot;<br /><br />---------------------------------------------<br /><br />氧气<br />自然科学老师在课堂上讲到：“氧气对任何生命都是必不可少的。如果没有氧气，地球上将不会有任何生命存在。大家想想--氧气的发现只有100多年。”<br />詹妮举起手问：“假如这是真的话，那么在氧气没有被发现以前人类是怎么活的？”

<span style='color:red'> Don&#39;t Feel Like Getting into an Argument</span><br /><br />&quot;Gerald,&quot; asked the teacher, &quot;What is the shape of the earth?&quot;<br />&quot;It&#39;s round,&quot; answered Gerald.<br />&quot;How do you know it&#39;s round?&quot; continued the teacher.<br />&quot;All right, it&#39;s square then,&quot; he replied, &quot;I really don&#39;t feel like getting into an argument about it&#33;&quot;<br /><br />------------------------------------------<br /><br />我不想争论<br />“杰拉德，” 老师说，“地球是什么形状？”<br />“是圆形的，” 杰拉德回答。 <br />“你怎么知道是圆的？” 老师继续问。<br />“好，那就是方的吧，”他回答说。“我真的不想和你争论这件事！”

<span style='color:red'>Guessing a Riddle</span><br /><br />Teacher: Boys, I have a riddle to ask you. There&#39;s something wearing beautiful feather, and it can wake you up every morning. What is it, Tom?<br />Tom: A feather duster, with which father wakes me up every morning.<br /><br />--------------------------------------------------<br /><br />猜谜<br />老师：孩子们，我有个谜语要你们猜：有一种东西，浑身都是漂亮的羽毛，每天早晨它能叫你起床。那是什么东西，汤姆？<br />汤姆：鸡毛掸子，爸爸每天都用它叫我起床。

<span style='color:red'>Writing a Composition</span><br /><br />One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition -- If I Am a Manager.<br />All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reasons.<br />&quot;I am waiting for my secretary,&quot; was the boy&#39;s answer.<br /><br />--------------------------------------------<br /><br />写作文<br />一天课上，老师要同学们以“如果我是一个经理”为题写一篇作文。所有学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。<br />“我在等我的秘书”。那孩子答道。

<span style='color:red'>Homework</span><br /><br />Teacher: I&#39;m able to read one of the essays you did for homework, but the other one is written very poorly.<br />Student: Yes, sir -- my mother is a much better writer than my father.<br /><br />-------------------------------------------- <br /><br />家庭作业<br />老师：我只能读通你的一篇作文，可另一篇实在是糟透了。<br />学生：是的，先生 --- 我妈妈的文采要比我爸爸的好多了。

<span style='color:red'>Leading Questions</span><br /><br />Teacher: Billy, What does C-A-T Spell?<br />Billy: Don&#39;t know, sir.<br />Teacher: What does your mother keep to catch mice? <br />Billy: A trap, sir.<br />Teacher: No. What animal is fond of milk?<br />Billy: The baby, sir.<br />Teacher: You stupid&#33; What was it that scratched your sister&#39;s face? <br />Billy: My nails, sir.<br />Teacher: You&#39;re putting me out of patience&#33; Do you see that animal in the yard? then tell me, what does C-A-T spell?<br />Billy: Kitten, sir.<br /><br />------------------------------------------<br /><br />诱导性的提问<br />老师：比利，C-A-T 拼出来是什么词？<br />比利：不知道，先生。<br />老师：你妈妈用什么逮老鼠？<br />比利：捕鼠夹，先生。<br />老师：不对，不对。什么动物非常喜欢喝牛奶？<br />比利：婴儿，先生。<br />老师：你真笨！是什么东西抓破了你妹妹的脸？<br />比利：我的指甲，先生。<br />老师：你真叫我生气！你看院子里是什么动物？告诉我，C-A-T 拼出来是什么字？<br />比利：Kitten （小猫），先生。

<span style='color:red'>Overcrowded Moon</span><br /><br />A geography teacher once told her class, &quot;The moon is so large that several million people could live there.&quot;<br />One boy started laughing, &quot;It sure must get crowded when it&#39;s a crescent moon.&quot;<br /><br />----------------------------------------<br /><br />拥挤的月亮<br />一位地理老师告诉他的学生：“月亮非常之大，它可以容纳几百万人在上面居住。”<br />有一个男孩笑了，“当月亮由满月变成月牙儿时，住在上面的人该有多么拥挤啊？”

<span style='color:red'>An Essential Correction</span><br /><br />Teacher: Walter, why don&#39;t you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning?<br />Walter: What was it?<br />Teacher: Eggs. <br />Walter: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday. <br /><br />------------------------------------------<br /><br />实质性的纠正<br />教师：沃尔特，你为什么不洗脸？我看得出你今天早饭吃了什么。<br />沃尔特：我吃了什么？<br />教师：鸡蛋。<br />沃尔特：错了，老师。那是昨天吃的。

<span style='color:red'>It Was Signed At the Bottom</span><br /><br />Teacher: Tommy, where was the Declaration of Independence signed?<br />Tommy: At the bottom, I guess.<br /><br />---------------------------------------<br /><br />签在下面<br />教师：汤迷，《独立宣言》在哪里签署的？<br />汤迷：我想。是在下面。<br />[注]教师问的是签署的地点，而汤迷却理解为在《独立宣言》上的什么地方。